Not Your Typical Monday

Today I attended the funeral for Ezra, the two month old little boy that died unexpectedly. So pretty needless to say, today was another tough one. During the service, Ezra's grandparents, aunts and parents read their letters to Ezra. His maternal grandmother composed a beautiful poem. His mom and dad managed to inject humor into their emotional reading and his maternal aunt sobbed so deeply that my heart just broke for her. After the church service I rode with four other friends to the cemetary to attend the graveside service. I was thankful that we did not have to see the tiny casket being lowered into the ground. I would have been a wailing mess then.

One thing that amazes me is the deep faith that Ezra's mom and dad exhibited. For example, at the funeral service in the church we sang a song and the daddy raised his hand in praise to the Lord. At a time when most would be questioning God and the meaning of it all, he praises his God. They remembered their son with laughter by recalling the dirty looks he'd give his older sister, his belches and his farts. I feel small and insignificant in my faith in comparison to theirs. Their grace and faith is a beautiful thing to see.

So it wasn't your typical Monday, but I dearly enjoyed seeing my MOPS friends again. I will miss meeting with those ladies twice a month. I have never seen or been part of a group of women where no one judged another and there was no back stabbing or cattiness, which is extremely rare in a group of women that large. The group as a whole feels like one big hug. MOPS does have another ministry for moms with older than preschool children called Moms Next. We had talked about starting a chapter here in Abilene. Perhaps we need to revisit the idea again. I need it. Not so much for the guest speakers or topics, but for the contact with the other moms.

It's late and the morning comes early. Ciao.

Visitation

There is so much to blog about:  the new vehicle, the rodeo, Hobo. I'll get to it tomorrow or maybe the next day. I'd rather share with you what I did today. I paid my last respects to a 2-month old baby boy who died unexpectedly. I know Ezra, the baby boy, because his mother is a member of my MOPS group (or the group I used to belong to before Katie got too old.)

Visitation was at a funeral home in Abilene. I have great difficulty walking into a funeral home so I had contacted some friends earlier in the day to coordinate our arrivals. When I arrived Gayla, a MOPS Mentor, came up to me. I don't know what it is about Gayla, but she asked me how I was doing, I started crying. Death and funeral homes have me teetering on the edge as it is and couple that with seeing Gayla and the floodgate opened. After those tears, my next stop was with the parents of Ezra. More crying and for all my eloquence all I could say while hugging was, "I am so sorry."

In the main room at the funeral home they had a video playing that had a picture slideshow of Ezra set to music while two doors down the little guy lay in a casket. Gayla accompanied me into the room where Ezra was. Previously I have seen another child in a casket albeit older than Ezra but I had the same reaction. It  looked so wrong. A casket shouldn't be that small. Teddy bears shouldn't have to be placed in a casket. Little babies shouldn't die. The room was very quiet unlike what was going on in my head. It was chaos. I was pleading, denying, bargaining, and questioning. I could not even compose a complete sentence nor prayer in my mind as it jumped from emotion to emotion. Though I was gently crying on the outside, I was sobbing on the inside. 

Ezra's death has hit my MOPS friends pretty hard. Some know Ezra's mom pretty well while other are acquaintances, such as myself. Why it wounds everyone deeply is a mommy thing. Once you become a mother you can empathize so much deeper with another mom than you could have ever empathized with any other person in your life. You look at your child and say, "What if that was my child?" Each child tragedy is a situation of "There but for the grace of God go I". 

Rick didn't think it is a good idea that I attend the visitation and/or funeral. He's worried how it will affect me. Heck, I'm worried how it will affect me. But sometimes you have to buck up and do what is heart wrenching to be supportive of another. Tomorrow is the funeral. I'll be there.